I accept your apology, you're forgiven, But don't think I'll forget what you did How could I possibly forget? Those endless moments you left me dying The sleepless nights I spent thinking of you The time I wasted, waiting for you I'll never get them back I'm living again, but part of me's gone I'm living again, but I'll never get back those lost moments in my life
I can't forget the bad times The hard times The pained times I forgive everything you've ever done I still love you even more and more Still want to be with you Still want to hold you After everything Everything I've forgiven
Is this the way I'll always live? Torn apart by memories Torn apart by forgiven sins Forgiven nightmares Forgiven abuse This is how I'll live, forgiven but not forgotten.
Finally...that's the word i've said when i first arrived at JIExpo Kemayoran Jakarta.. the place where Jakarta Fair or Pekan Raya Jakarta is hold. Jakarta Fair is an annual event in Jakarta that held around june - july to celebrate Jakarta's anniversary. the first Jakarta Fair was held on 1968 in Suharto's Era..and it's like a must when the event hold, Jakartans or dwellers who live around jakarta visit the fair..
and me, in my old 22 now, i've never been to PRJ ( the short name of Jakarta Fair)..until last saturday (June 19), my boyfriend and our friends took me to the PRJ! hoyayyy... like a dream come true (too much..) it just like i feel so curious why everybody ever been there, and i've never..hihihi
i had no idea what PRJ is about before i came there, i thought it was a (not too large in my mind) large field crowd with people and stands that offer products just like in school bazaar.. ridiculous when i saw the real PRJ (not in my mind)..it is GREAT! like 1 million times my thought! the field is not a field.. it is a super massive field as it is apparently had became an airport in the past, no wonder! the stands is also not a small stand that i used to see in malls..it's like a showroom...huuuuaaaa i amazed! it's all beyond my expectation!
all the products including foods, drinks, electronic, automotive, clothing, accesories, furniture are displayed attractively..wow almost all what you need are available there! plus you can get a big discount for all products..all in SALE!! and poor me.. i didn't bought enough money there..but actually i didn't plan to shopping, i just want to see the euphoria of the event and see the people excitement..and it make my weekend so BLAST! thanks to boyfie and friends :)
the ticket : IDR 20K
near Gambir Expo, the rainbow appeared after the rain stopped
one of the must ice cream in PRJ Bungeo Ssamankho (korean ice cream)! vanila+red bean & expresso ! delicious!
me & my besty Tria..with Zakumi.
my favorite SPB (Sales Promotion Boy)..he makes me want the ice cream more and more :p
anyway..
HAPPY 483rd ANNIVERSARY to the capital city of Indonesia JAKARTA!
please don't build any malls anymore, build many parks and don't let people have car more than one!
give the very best facility to the pedestrian and bikers.
To forget the mistakes of someone is more difficult than to forget my own mistakes to him/her..
it's a very bad behaviour, yes i know, but to heal the broken heart is not that easy. Our heart is just like a broken glass that have been glued, though the glass is back to a normal shape however the scar will always be seen..
i know it is something in the past, and everything has changed to be better..but still, i can not forget how SHE took my half soul from me.. without knowing my existence and how hurt to be me at this time..
it's all become a deadly virus in my life, i keep on thingking that someday she will back to stole my half soul again..
it is because i feel so theatened with her, i don't know why, maybe because she is more beautiful than me, or smarter than me, and all her charms will steal his heart, again...
all that thoughts is driving me insane!
i feel so sad
i feel so dissapointed
i feel so pissed off
and top of all..
i won't forget these all..
sorry..i just can't.
i will take this till i leave this world,
maybe...
“The only reason why we ask other people how their weekend was is so we can tell them about our own weekend" Chuck Palahniuk
i always waiting for my weekend moment..it's always almost all about making fun with people i love the most in my life, my family, my boyfie and my besty..
when i was a kid, weekend is a breaking day of school it means one night in whole day when i don't need to think about my homework or task from my teacher, and when the sunday morning comes it means that i don't have to take a bath early and i can watch a continous kid movie until 12 pm. i really loved watching doraemon and i become a cat lover because that movie, untill i found that doraemon is only a blue fat cat doll who doesn't have anything in his pocket ( i checked it on the Golden Truly mall, when i was in the 6th grade). The Doraemon thing has dissapointed me so much. there is no real cat who can grant my wish, they only make things so bad besides their cuteness. HAHA that's a small picture of my weekend moment in the past.
but now...
weekend is like a rest day..where u can have a body n mind relax..having a monotonous activity during the weekdays make ur nerves so stiff, so these two days, saturday n sunday are the best day to have a refreshment!! i love to spent my weekend with my big family, my aunties, my uncles and my cousins, also my nephew n niece..we ussually gather in my grandma house, eating the foods that are made by us, or just chit chating till late at night, it is hillarious n warm! or having the whole weekend with my besty, we ussually spent the day to some places in the town or traveling out of town! and last but not least..i love the moment with my boyfie..actually i've already rarely spent my weekend only both of us, we ussually take our friends with us, it's more fun. :)
my weekend with him in Curug Cikaso, Sukabumi, West Java (June 6 2010)
this is the most common thing for us on the weekend, out for eating!
snorkling with friends (Pramuka land,Thousands Island)
yehaaay..after pending it for almost 4 months, finally i have my driving license renewed! all the process to get my driving license to be extended is by my self without being accompanied by mother anymore..actually that's the point. I proud of my self because now i am not a liltle girl anymore..i can do it by my self..hehehe..
i have a full gut to drive my motorcycle at full speed without worrying the police will ask my (expired) driving license ;p , now it has been renewed!
i miss to live in my parents house (the house now is being renovated)..does it means my house also? whatever.. one thing for sure, i find a freedom there..you know old proverb that says Home Sweet Home? it really is true.. when you stay in a fancy mansion or physically the house is more beautiful than your house, you still don't feel it is a home..then finally you really missing to back to your own house though the house is only a hut...
i miss my room..
i miss to stay a long day in my house..
i miss to invite everybody i like to my house..
most of the top...
i miss to take care of my cats that i have been neglecting for this 6 months..i miss them so..
God give us your hands to make the day come true..the day when i come back to my house..i beg you GOD..
Last night I had a horrible dream ever!! i don’t remember exactly the chronology , but one thing for sure , and the most frightening moment on that dream is when I see my mother lying on a divan, covered with batik cloth and there are many people around her who read Yasin.. and that scene on my dream has made me crying histerically, I cried her name and suddenly I woke up and realized that my tears is keep running on my cheek..my thoughts flying away.. I pronounced istigfar and hamdalah in the same time..astagfirullah for I remember that I have so many fault to her, hamdalah for it just a dream and i ‘m still given one more chance to see my mom and to say sorry to her for all mistakes I’ve done.
The dream is just like a ‘wake-up call’ in my life, especially for my bond with my mom..for 22 years I’ve been delivered by her, I know deep inside my heart, that she is my real guardian angle, she’s the master of every task. For all the things I didn’t say to her, about how I felt along the way, it doesn’t mean I don’t love her much. Me n mom don’t get used to express our feeling by our body language or sweetest words, but we both know we love each other. Especially her, I know she love me much and she will do anything..ANYTHING she can just to give me the best thing I need..though it has to sacrifice herself.
The dream makes me realized that she is the most important thing in my life , I place her after ALLAH SWT, and simply I can’t live without her. I can imagine what if the dream is real, one thing for sure I’m not ready for now, I still need her much, I want to make my mom happy, I want to grant her wish, I hope in the near time, I know she really want to see Borobudur and Prambanan temple, walking on Jogja and Solo streets, I want to stand 5 cm in front of Ka’bah with her, I want to take her traveling to the place she really want to be there and give her any stuffs she likes. God please grant my wish, don’t take her from this world. I know dead it’s all human destiny, but please, don’t decide her dead before I grant her wish. As I always ask You in my every prayer God, give my mom happiness in this world, and give her the best spot in Your heaven. For all the terrible things she have been through in live, and she keeps hangin on , I know she deserve it. I love you Ibu.
God I know you came to me through my dream..
I know u woke me up through your message on that dream..
May be I am a biggest sinner
You got me into this situation
I have to be more caring to her
I have to be more loving to her
I promise God, I will take this chance, to give her the best thing I can.
I will never frowning, angry, and yelling to her anymore.
every time I listen to this song my feeling immediately become so creepy ..somehow it continues to poison my mind..it turns out that you really have occupied a few spots in my heart, although at the first time i feel much doubt, but every time I think about you, it all make me so confuzzled.i never thought before it will be happened, i vowed to my self n i' m sure that i will never have more than one person to place in my heart, and suddenly now it could be a little turned around because of you, and nobody can do that. Previously, Many who had tried but my faithfulness to him was never wavered, and now YOU shakes my defenses .. like the words in this song .. it's all fit for you!
For the way you changed my plans
For being the perfect distraction
For the way you took me
I knew that I had, everything that I wanted to have You made me see there was something missing
For the ending of my first begin
Oh yeah yeah, oh yeah yeah oh
And, for the rare and unexpected friend
Oh yeah yeah oh yeah yeah oh For the way you're something that I would never choose
But at the same time something I don't wanna loose I don't ever wanna be without her again
You're the best thing I never knew I needed
So, when you walked in, I had no idea
You're the best thing I never knew I needed
See now it's so clear I need you here
My accidental happily ever after
The way you smile now you've gone for me
With your laughter
I must admit you weren't a part of "My Book"
But, now if you open it up and take a look
You're the beginning and the end of every chapter
You're the best thing I never knew I needed
So when you walked in I had no idea
You're the best thing I never knew I needed
See, now it's so clear I need you here
Who knew that I could be?
So unexpectedly
Undesierabley happy. Oh so with you
Right here right here next to me!
he can sing "balonku", i have a recording of his voice, it's so hilarious!! my mother once throw him on the pavement (poor you), and the next day, he came back to my house, with the expression like a sprinter who reaches a finish line!! oh God, he is do funny..unfortunetely he has been thrown for the second time by my mother, and he never comeback anymore..
on my uncle's car (was)
we don't have AC at living room, so he enter the refrigerator..
with his mother, hayu (on the left) and his brother, oyeng (middle)
"when u realized that everything just not in the right position and u feel so unable to change the situation, it is God, the one and only, who will be the last shelter..u need God more than u need Food and Air to continue your life.. sometimes i deny, that God doesn't need me, but I, my self n my life need God,, inevitable.."
Can u see even juz a little bright side of me?Or else,maybe u could ask ur baby boy,whydo he really love me?then,u can learn from him.about 16 hours agovia UberTwitter
I'm not a dope,I'm not a punk girl,I'm not a rebel, I'm not a loser ,but u treat me as if I am..what I'm suppose gonna do? I feel so bad! about 16 hours agovia UberTwitter
Just once in your life,please put ur feet on my shoes,u could feel how hurt to be nice n wise, but still,she judges me wrong!about 16 hours agovia UberTwitter
I'm not an electronic tool that u can test whether it's good or broken!! I'm a human,have a heart to feel,n mind to think!about 16 hours agovia UberTwitter
Have you ever know a typical someone in your life who always showing off anything though it's only a small thing that anybody could afford it? i bet you have..
I found this typical person, actually it called re-found, cause she is actually the person of my past, and just showing up again in my life lately. I remember when i realized this person has a show-off personality, was when she sucked a cup a cups lollipop as if anybody can't afford to buy the lollipop! yaks it was when i'm in junior hi school. and now the thing become so big because since twitter has become a very-hits micro blog, she could channel the things that she wanna show up to the world. ohh geeezz..u can see her timeline full off the things that people will sick to read..she always say about name of brand of the stuff she owned, tell everybody the restaurants where she was dinner (never forget to take pict of the foods), explain clearly that she is drive a car, and other things became so over the top cause she says it in almost every minute! she is exaggerating way too much..
oh gosh..if i continue this, it seems like i'm gossiping about her (try to be a saint ;p..FAIL)..yes okey, i did gossiping her with my other friends but then i think positively from her case..and finally i can figure it out into a good lesson for me and maybe for others..hihihi..
in a moment of your life, you will face various situations, bad or good , lucky or unlucky, happy or sad..your life is in a rotating wheel, sometimes u will hit gravels or even big stones..but the wheel must through the path, so you have to make sure that the wheel keep rotating..so we can say that all the conditions is what we'll face in this life. being survive to keep alive is not a choice, it's a must. but when we feel the conditions is not fit with your expectation, just remember that God will give everything that you need not everything that you want. i impressed by a sentence of my friend on her FB status, she said that :
"God gives u answers in 3 ways: YES & God gives u what u want. NO & God gives u something better, or WAIT & God gives u the best."
and i think if every human have this sentence in their heart, there is no more negative prejudice to God..
i've said to my self, to not being ridiculous by having a pompous desire to be the person who makes me jealous because she/he has anything that i can't afford. just take my portion as a God creature with all the accessories, and not being mourn of it. so i will never show off to the world of everything that i have, cause i realized, when i look down, there're many people who still keep survive even if their life is far more unlucky than me, and i don't wanna be an arrogant or show off to the world, because when i look up, there are so many great people in this world, so i keep my feet back on the ground..i still have to learn many things..:))
It’s been long time not to write on this blog! Hey it is now 2010 and there are so many bad and good things have been left from the Yesteryear..i just wanna quote some imperative events that happened in 2009, because for me, 2009 was such a great year in my life..so many things to learn from the year where I stepped my life forward..let me break into a monthly event :
January 2009
the soulmate was exist!
I was still on my effort to finish my thesis on time..yes u can imagine the situation..late night activity almost every day, just have my sleep time about 3 or 4 hours, and I eat meals like a pig,,it is the effect of keep my eyes wide open on late at night. just for info, I get 5 kg weight only a month tahahaha! Yes it’s all because I was chased by the deadline! This time was my up and down moment..Life ooh life..
and how about Love thingy?
Hmm actually it’s a big..oh no Very massive secret that I’ll reveal here. I was destined to meet my compatible man ever! Though it is just in my dream to possess him as a whole, at least I have a very more-than-great moment with him..at the end I found one theory of mine..that perfection is absolutely impossible to be possessed by a human, it’s Only God’s authority ..then let it be happened in heaven, n let me just thank to God for tasting a bit sweet of heaven kiss.
February 2009
This is my birthmonth!
But no surprises except from my TVRI besties. I’ve got very cute Winnie-the-pooh bday cake, gift, ang yummy food at Ming Village Sency. And at the the end of the month, I registered my thesis to the University’s administration to get my thesis trial date! Tararararang…
March 2009
A + Cumlaude
March 14 09 was my important day ever! It is the determination day for my 3,5 years efforts in University. And it turned to be a very bright day for me as the result..i’ve got A for my thesis…Mr.cumlaude I’m coming to you..one of my duty is done! Ibu & papa..it is dedicated for u..
April 2009
Met many awesome people!
I joined the PPAN program. PPAN stands for Pertukaran Pelajar Antar Negara..haha sound very genius right,youth exchange program!.. I was competing to find ONE place to CANADA..to be an A1, the representative young from Indonesia who will have some period of internship in Canada and Indonesia for almost a year..A1 is the most honorable title for a young man and woman in our country, it’s like u’ll be invited in each national event and wearing an A1 Blazer! Very cool yumm ?..And the result..of course I was failed with the sixty something others..hahaha.but the program has opened my eyes widely that there are so many effin brilliant, Genius, Creative yet humble young teenagers in the province I live (West Java), so the brilliants are not only live at Jakarta as the adage says..”dunia tak selebar daun kelor boy!”..i’m very pleased to know them.
Mei 2009
The Graduation.
the baju kurung or kebaya i wore in my graduation day.
On my graduation day which was held at istora Senayan..i felt a lil bit gloomy..because I have no friends around me!! Only my nuclear family attended the graduation ceremony, as only Me and Indah who graduated early in our class,, yes we have finished our study in three and a half year (bwakakakak it sounds I’m showing off!)..so the graduation day is not very blast yet memorable only a glance of blink faces of my parents.
Juni 2009
one year to be forever..
This is the last full month I worked at TVRI..my lovely working place ever..and I have to leave them..and all the GOLD memory there..
Juli 2009
I have a new job!
I was accepted as a secretary to Director for Slog Oil &Gas company. And guess what? The office location, just like my dream when I was a kid, is on Mega Kuningan!one of prestigious office spot in my country. Thankful for the job.
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
what a long journey!
5 years anniversary with my lovely man. Though it should be not 5 years full (the broke up accident that he call it “kekhilafan”), but hey..5 years it’s a longggggggggg journey..but i never give up! Wish that I could have The God Blessing.
November 2009
He was graduated!
Heyy like UI didn’t want to let him go, the very-hard-to- get graduation!
December 2009
Happy!
My bf got his first job at KAP duren tiga..it means that his office very close to mine! He picked me up and sent me home almost everyday…lovely :)
And finally the new year was come…
The new year eve is very lovely yet blast moment ever!
Celebrated with my big family and my boyfie…lot of good food and Happy!
Wish I have a blast 2010 more than the yesteryear…
