Today , my second biggest failure in my life is happened. I remember last month a psychiatrist asked me to tell her about my biggest failure in my life, I was thinking for a while, and finally I said to her about the moment that I consider it as my big failure, it was when I failed to enter Universitas Indonesia (UI). I was so devastated at that time. The time keeps going on after that. Instead I had no choices at that time, I passed the university enrollment test with my alternate choices, it is Universitas Negeri Jakarta majoring English Literature. I was living my life with the biggest regret in my heart. But that regretful makes me live my life in a better way. I promise to myself that I can be better than them who could enter UI, I want the world to see me not because my university where I studied, but because of Me, yes, because of my own ability. Until finally Allah has opened my eyes, that I could be more than what I expected I could be.
these are what has happened after that..
I only took 3,5 years to graduate from university with cumlaude predicate, and I’ve got my first job as a translator in ENS TVRI even before I graduated. And now, I’m working as a secretary of director at PT. Slog Oil & Gas. The story runs so smooth and it was nice overall.
And why I face the second biggest failure today?
In my previous post, I’ve told that I’ve passed the fourth phase of BPK employee recruitment, and today is the final decision. And I didn’t make it.
That’s the statistic number of employee recruitment on my majoring (English Literature)
I’ve passed until the number of 3.. then I failed to next step, to be the two people that they need. i'm the only one who had been dumped at last.
It’s so hard to face because I’ve already in a position one more step towards the destination and suddenly it has to stop.
So many ‘why’ are flying in my mind. The top ‘why’ come out in my mind is “why I didn’t fail in the first phase, second phase or third phase when i won't be the only one person who fail?”
of course it is so hurt and hard for me. but then I recall all my experiences when I have to face my first failure, I know it’s a trigger to my success in the future, just like what has already happened in my life before.
I really don’t have a right to decide what destiny is the best for me, Allah SWT does.
Thanks Allah that I still have so many things to thankful including my mom and my lovely people who never stop to encourage me. They mean gold for me.
I promise to stop grieving .. hmmm maybe in two or three days.. hehehe
I’ll continue my life, and I will never stop to reach my dream,, I know You are with me, Allah SWT, Ash Shamadu Al Mujiibu.